Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Actual writings on some patient's cards at Kenyatta Hospital

can you trust the doctors with your life? here are some examples:
1.      She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2.      Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3.      On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4.      The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed

5.      The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6.      Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7.      Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8.      The patient refused autopsy.

9.      The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10.     Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital

11.     Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12.     Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13.     She is numb from her toes down.

14.     While in ER she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15.     The skin was moist and dry.

16.     Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17.     Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18.     Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid .(!!)

19.     She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

20.     I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21.     Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22.     Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

23.     The lab test indicated abnormal over function.

24.     The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

25.     Skin: somewhat pale but present.

26.     The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

27.     Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Wangui, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

28.     Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

29.     Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

My lover is Jesus

munyanya okwa munyanya okwa ni jesu
munyanya okwa munyanya okwa ni jesu

munyanaya okwa ritwa riawe ni jesu
munyanya okwa mworia wa mirimo yakwa
nu ungi ta munyanya okwa
nimbunite ruuji na maria ntoona
ungi tawe
uthongi bwawe nita bwa riua rikithuua

Friday, August 10, 2007

italian english for laughs

i thought this was too funny to let it go
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. An American woman is sitting across from them.
The woman isn't paying attention to their conversation at first, but her
attention is grabbed when she hears one of the men says:
"Emma come firsta. Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," shouts the lady indignantly.
"In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa
tellin' my frienda how to spella ' Mississippi '."


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