Monday, January 18, 2010


2009 was peculiar. Being the year of being near jacked....and lost precious stuff on my phone including church notes. The phone is another matter

I am at the mall late evening one day in March meeting a prospective client. The mall at know convinience? Mmmh met my client at Tamambo restaurant, nice place by the way, really cool place that for serious chit chat, deal closure etc etc... So after some considerable damage to my pocket on this evening by my worthy client, we call it an evening. As i go down the stairs at the mall, i remember i need to make certain payments in the morning. So against better judgement i go to pesapoint and withdraw the maximum allowable mmmmh 20k!

Unbeknown to me someone had been watching me since my arrival some two hours earlier. I had come and parked beside the main entrance. A marked person.

The person happened to be a 'policeman', fully uniformed, G3 in hand and like a dog that carefully knows its master has just left the bar with leftover bones, this dog met me at the main entrance....the dog wagged its tongue...i stopped to listen. Nice cop, by the way, meeting me for first time and having such a cool demeanour, knowledge of current affairs, polished English.... God knows, since i saw the stress these guys expose themselves to provide us mortals with security during the election fiasco time, i have been kinda soft listening i did. Ten minutes later I have to remind myself am getting late. The 'policeman' bids me farewell. I head for my car which is just 10 metres across from where we are standing. I enter the car and by now my police friend really is so cool, he becomes my eyes at my njoo, njoo tu...its clear, kata sasa ok.... Obviously after such a gesture, you wanna appreciate ama? So yes i roll down my passenger window just to let him know he is cool, then comes his wagging tongue again....since boss you are going towards town, just lift me upto waumini house? Mmmmh? Did i think twice...hell no. Some voice told me something was wrong, lakini this guy is fly, so cool...ok, I say and open the door for him.

20 Metres out of location the guy turns to me and he is like....'i say boss, forget all you heard from me. (more like saying This is a hold up) just give me all the money you withdrew just a few moments ago...' am like 'but, but, but....., ' he is like 'you heard me rigght. Count all of it.' So i reach my pocket and remove my porch....he goes like...can we get more from Atm? And am like what? The ATM gave am getting sick. Cos i am diabetic, slight strange people giving strange edits bring strnge reaction on my sugars.

'this is not enough money.' he says. 'Could you surrender your phone too? Now now i did not mind the phone. But those notes, random poems and notes joted on the jam?...well i lost them least for life was at stake

Now i thought this my experience was tough one....but i have this friend of mine whose experience was from jupiter, I think. You see he is a sexholic sirnonymous. So one night he is driving down westlands road and guess what? The twilight girls are on the road. Now SS looks at the hordes of girls calling him honey and finds one almost apart from the rest and opens his Merc for the girl.

Now this guy though driving a merc does not see the need to spend in a nice lodging to satisfy his he asks the gal where they should go. She has a ready answer....a parking lot in a certain basement....mmmmh it was going to be so cheap...and he could have sex with her in HIs cushioned merc...nice huh?
So off they go....into a basement. The gal asks him for 100 shillings parking fee to pay the askaris...which SS my tycoon pal pays.. When the gal comes she is rearing to go down on him...mmmmmh the works, the SS goes crazy with anticipation...then the gal tells him she will 'BBBJ' him first...he gets into frenzy. This is so perfect, so he believes. Just when he is about to feel loss of brakes a torch lights the dark sky next to his car. His doors are being swung open. A policeman appears with a powerful sony phone that snaps him guy is so afraid. You see he is a father of a boy who is very proud of him. He is a mover of sorts within his sphere of influence. Now this policeman has perfect proof of what has been caught on camera...his dick...his face...

SS has to locate his trouser, which he had
removed in a frenzy of passionate feeling. His trouser now in one corner of the car, one side leg inside out..the policeman is barking Orders...toka,toka,toka....nini hii mnafanya hapa malaya nyinyi nyote? Poor SS now resigns to trying to negotiate. The policeman says to him that the offence will land him in prison or 120k fine...SS Thinks about his wife and child....what will he say to them?

'surely officer, there must be something somehow we can do about this.' ss pleads. Hakuna, says the policeman, 'hii umalaya hautafanya hapa tena...Ok?' officer, tuongee kama wanaume, niko na ngiri moja hapa... Officer laughs scornfully...'leo utalala ndani hata wewe malaya msichana, toa pesa au ulale..

SS now knows his game has come to an undesired end. The hard on he had developed now a limp worm like thing, the condom earlier worn still on it....

Tunaenda polisi the askari gets into the front seat, G3 on afterthought.....'how much can you raise?' wapi ATM card? SS remembers he has some cash.....SS is released after quite some haggling.

he however replays in his mind. the hooker had already been paid. The hooker in the confusion had seen where SS had dropped his wallet and hooked out the money in the wallet. SS goes to Westlands the MALL and withdraws some money in the company of the police and the hooker.

Later SS notices he had been duped. this was a classic gang of thieves. the hooker was all the time in the game with the police person.And it was not a policeman anyway.

SS had met his match. He was 20,000/= poorer by midnight.


Two more weeks and the public justice murder a police rogue in uniform for harrasing wanainchi at night within the westlands area. SS was elated.... Me? I think so too.

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